Thread: Wide Awake
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Old 08-18-2013, 05:51 AM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: English Rose by birth; Calling the Southern Hemi home by choice.
Posts: 915
Default Bittersweet

Things are going really well. My mum and dad have been here since 2 August, and they left today. I am quite sad because I have loved having them here and close-by. Of all the things I miss the most, I miss my parents being an hour away. I hope they have a safe trip back.

DH and I have decided to legally implement some of the changes. I know that he trusts me some, but I do not think he believes me when I say that I will not get in to another relationship as long as we are married. To show him how serious I am, we have decided to do two things:

1) We are renewing our vows. Our commitment is the polar opposite of what it was when we tied the knot 11.5 years ago. For starters, I was in a relationship with someone else, and she was in my bridal party, so it was not like he could miss her. Our vows were vague and tweaked to accommodate the poly relationship. I want clear vows, and I want them to include faithfulness to him and only him. This is a re-do and a second chance, so when the time is right, I want to clean the slate and start over.

2) We are implementing an infidelity-like clause in our soon-to-be renewed postnup. I said like because it extends far beyond the scope of an affair. We are working with our attorneys to make sure the wording is clear, and to make sure the agreement can be legally enforced. I had no idea so much went in to these types of clauses. They have to be specific as far as what constitutes cheating. Kissing, non-verbal communication (texts, IMs, etc.), and all of that have to be taken in to consideration. Fortunately, we are working together and negotiating like we did with the prenup.

Basically what it will boil down to is, ANY romantic, sexual, emotional, etc. relationships outside of our marriage will be grounds for the agreement to be void, and the guilty party will be subjected to pay the aggrieved, an agreed upon sum of money and x percentage from personal assets. That being said. If I stupidly decide that another relationship is more important than our new vows and a legally binding agreement, I know what I stand to lose and how much it will cost me. In case, it is not clear, poly will no longer be part of our marriage, and I have closed the chapter on that part of my life.

I believe poly works for a lifetime for some and in increments for others. I have believed in for 18 years, but it stopped working for me at the 13 year mark. The downfall started in 2008, and I should have stepped back from it during my first pregnancy and left it alone. When I crashed from cloud nine, I fell hard. My "dream" life was in shambles. The two people I thought I was in love were at war, and I was more stressed than I ever have been in my life. My children were affected. I spent months trying to hold on to something that was bad for me, thinking of ways to make it better, and months fighting to save both relationships. It took about five months for me to see that light at the end of the tunnel. When I finally saw the light, several truths were revealed. The list of what I did not need trumped what I thought I wanted. The best thing I never knew I needed was the one thing that has brought me constant joy; my marriage being the only relationship.

So here I sit on 18 August. It has taken me 23 weeks to land on my feet, but I have done it. I am not sure what the future holds, but I know that I am determined to do it better. I owe it to my children. I owe it to my husband. I owe it to myself. I am stronger, wiser, more mature, and embracing my new normal like it is an old friend from the past.

This is my last entry on this blog on this site. I am undecided about commenting further on the forum. It does not seem right as poly as just not part of who I am, and I am not sure I have anything constructive to add. I no longer have any ties to it, and I have went to great pains to insure that the life I lived for 17.5 years in London does not touch the new life in Melbs. It is a chapter in another novel of a life I once lived. Need my advice? Read all the pages before this one and learn what not to do, what not to say, and how not to act. The best advice I could ever give is learn from my mistakes. Thank you for all of your support, advice, and critiques. I appreciated and took quite a bit of it. I wish everyone who reads this all the best.

This part of my story is over now. I am no longer living in the dark. I really am wide awake.

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