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Old 08-18-2013, 04:21 AM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,587

There are two parts to this conversation, the sender and the receiver.

As a sender, it is important for me to be 'present' when I'm talking to someone. It is just as important to realize that the receiver is as disinterested in hearing about my 3 day gaming trip as it is for reporting my last sexual encounter. No matter the subject matter, I need to weigh what I would like to express and compare it to what is being enjoyed. If someone doesn't want to hear about my exploits (gaming, sexual, or otherwise) then that helps me to be more constructive about exploring our relationship.

As a receiver it is important for me to realize that the sender has a minimum capacity for expression before they consider it a non-conversation, and they have a maximum expression before they consider it an invasion of privacy. Either way, my job is about the same, to convey to them that - within their tolerance levels - I want more or less than what they are giving me.

IV and I have been building upon our comfort level in expressing sexual details with each other. She is *very* perceptive and picked up on my rather limited interest in hearing details. I am becoming more expressive in giving her details relevant to the conversation. We are both working within our overall tolerances, but keeping in mind the audience and their desire to hear more or less (or types of details).

This is just the process of getting to know someone, imo.

Originally Posted by gorgeouskitten View Post
it unsettles me not to know, how do you deal with that?
Being unsettled by not hearing enough detail would give me pause. I would presume that I am having a personal issue with the fact that something is happening outside of my realm of control.

What is it that unsettles you? What details would sate this fear? What do you imagine will happen if you don't hear these details versus what happens if you do?
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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