My personal preference is that I don't want to hear any details about the actual sex itself - just that the relationship is now a sexual one and that safer sex rules are being followed. What happens between two people in intimate moments seems a very private thing to me.
Dude is an open book. He is willing to share any and every detail about every blessed thing - with anybody. (No filters.) We have discussed this - and it was actually not that difficult to iron out a level that was comfortable enough for both of us. If he wants more info that I naturally feel inclined to provide then he asks - and, if I am comfortable, I will answer. If I am not comfortable sharing details I will give him an overview and explain why I am not comfortable disclosing anything further. If he starts to give me more info than I am comfortable with - I stop him, and tell him to talk to MrS if he needs an ear to bend.
MrS is much more relaxed about the whole thing. If someone wants to tell him details then he is fine with that, and if they don't then he is fine with that too. He doesn't care if I share details with others. But he wouldn't share details unless asked, and then only if he knew the other person involved would be ok with the sharing of that information.
Between the three of us everything is pretty much out in the open - it's mainly with new people that this topic would arise. We have discussed this at length.
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (23+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (4+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi married female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.
My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe