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Old 08-17-2013, 06:10 PM
Krys Krys is offline
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 8
Default Break-ups and transitioning roles

Hello!

I am wanting some suggestions on how to start a conversation with my partner regarding the status of our relationship. When we met, he was in a primary relationship with another woman and so I happily started dating him as a secondary/tertiary partner. There were a lot of rules in their relationship and a lot of boundaries that dictated where our relationship could go. About two weeks ago, they broke up because she didn't think she was cut out for a poly lifestyle.

Here is where I am at. I want to respect the relationship they had, and don't want to swoop in and try to "replace her." However, I feel like I am in limbo right now wondering if he would ever consider taking me on as a primary partner, or if he wants to keep things the way they are. If I don't bring it up, I don't want him to assume I don't want more and end up losing the opportunity to become more serious. I would hate for him to go out searching for a primary partner without even knowing if he would consider me. But if I do bring it up, I don't want it to end up this awkward situation that affects our current relationship because he doesn't see me that way.

So, is it too soon to have this conversation after they have just broken up (I don't necessarily want him to make this huge commitment to me now and send out a worldwide memo that I am his new girlfriend, but I would like to know that in time we could develop into that relationship). If it is the right time to bring it up, does anyone have advice for how to start and express this conversation with him. I have always had a hard time making my needs known, and this is the most difficult part of being in relationships in general for me!
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