View Single Post
Old 08-16-2013, 04:56 PM
Marcus's Avatar
Marcus Marcus is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,586

Originally Posted by Squashking View Post
I can't disagree more. My wife and I are in a quad with another couple who were at first our very best friends...
I don't see a problem inherent in a group of people being romantically involved with each other - even if the group consists of two couples. My issue is with approaching relating to people from a stance that "pair dating" is a requirement.

In my opinion this is where quads, team dating, and unicorn hunters fail. They put expectations before reality and insist that groups of people relate to each other in a pre-determined fashion. People relate to each other the way they relate to each other, trying to decide this beforehand is folly and has an extraordinary chance of causing a breakdown.

Originally Posted by Squashking View Post
Why does it seem that people who are not 100% comfortable yet with an idea or change to the relationship are so easily discarded? Why do we call it controlling so quickly?
It is important to note that the husband in question has not been informed that a change is even in the wings. As far as he knows, he's not in the way of anything. "Controlling" implies intent and one can't intend to alter a situation that one is not aware of.

Originally Posted by Squashking View Post
Sometimes it takes a little time to get used to something and then you can move on. I assume changes to any relationship (ie. dating men vs dating women) are a bit easier if you are poly experienced. What's the rush?
Both of these couples are more or less polyamorous, as I understand it. I have not yet seen that there is a conflict of one person moving too fast for the others liking (I take it that is what you are referring to).
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
Reply With Quote