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Old 08-16-2013, 04:13 PM
bipossible bipossible is offline
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 5

I so understand from where you are coming. I spent three years clinically depressed, and had to be hospitalized for attempting suicide. My life was spiraling downward fast and I couldn’t figure out why. So I worked my ass off exploring several different types of therapies, studying Buddhism with a passion, exercising, changing my diet, and reading, reading, reading, along with meditating, meditating, and meditating. I had hit bottom but I was determined to climb my way back out of the abyss. BTW that is why Wile-E-Coyote is my avatar. Well after several years of really hard work, pieces began falling into place and then one day a tectonic shift occurred. I discovered that I had formed a shame-based identity around my sexuality and gender issues. I had internalized homophobia and hated just about ever facet of my life. I came to the realization that there was a huge part of me that I had disavowed over the years and it was now calling for attention. That part was my same sex attraction. So I began the coming out process all over again, but this time with the intent living a more authentic and integrated life. I loved my wife and child and had absolutely no desire (or need) to abandon all that after 29 years of marriage. So after a lot of talking my wife and I agreed to open our marriage. I came out to my teenage son (who also identifies as bi) and began dating men. Next I came out to coworkers, neighbors and friends. I am estranged from my family of origin (having left home at 16) so at this point I am not out to any of them. I think they would be more shocked that I had contacted them than they would be that I was bisexual. I have had a couple of longish term relationships. I have been dating a man now for nearly a year and up until recently I had been splitting my time living one week with him and one week with my family. I have lost friendships over the way I have chosen to live my identity, interestingly more over the poly part that the bi part; my career (I teach Pre-K) has been threatened (luckily I have a very supportive school); and now I find myself at a new crossroad — my wife of 29 years has revealed to me that she no longer wants to share me and my boyfriend also recently revealed with me that he feels the same. They both want me exclusively and I want them both.

So here I sit like that awful Mary Macgregor song from the 1970s — torn between two lovers and feeling like a fool.

My approach so far has been to take it one day at a time, keep the lines of communication open, and allow there to be space for things to evolve as they are meant to evolve. I believe our suffering comes from when we hold things too tightly and not permit them to be as they should be. Often what we are holding tightly is nothing more than a mental narrative we have constructed about our lives or what our lives should look like. Too often these narratives are constructed with the "help" of ghost writers from our past, our family, our religion, our culture, etc. By keeping my focus on the present moment I am able to deal with reality and not some fiction in my head or something that may or may not happen in the future and about which I have little control over.

I wish you ease and clarity, and I wish the same for myself and others on this forum as well.
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