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Old 02-14-2010, 09:08 PM
saudade saudade is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 139
Talking Glad to be here!

I'm Saudade, 23/F/Boston, and though I'm pretty 'out' I'll keep my real name off the internet as a precaution.

Past: In retrospect, it's obvious I've been poly my entire life. My barbies all lived in a tribe, typically as nudists (though that might just have been because their clothes were frustrating to take on and off!). I've always been fascinated by the idea of 'utopia', and was always unbelievably pleased at the whiffs I'd catch of polyamorous ideals, whether it was the idea of a team of superheroes or the existence of the Oneida community. Meanwhile, my parents divorced when I was in elementary school, which complicated my ideas about real world relationships in more ways than I ought to write about here.

All this came together in a spectacular mess of high school and college relationships. In the former, I still had no idea that poly existed, but always found myself in emotional relationships that resembled traditional poly patterns for awhile, but subsequently exploded in conventional high school angst. I discovered that poly existed right as I was starting college (thanks, internet!)-- two years into a monogamous relationship with a highly jealous boyfriend. We spent the next three years making each other miserable (along with everyone around us), because neither of us functioned at all in the other's desired relationship format. This produced a lot of emotional damage on both sides.

Just before my senior year of college, I finally told him that it was never going to work and we needed to break it off. I then got together with K, a move I had been avoiding for a couple years out of respect for that boyfriend's feelings. K is poly, which he attributes to reading Heinlein in middle school. He read Stranger in a Strange Land as a bedtime story to me when we first started dating, and my life finally felt like it made sense, because I wasn't fighting with anyone just to be myself anymore.

Present: I have two life-partners, K and Z (both male). About the only time I think labels are useful is as a shorthand for explaining ourselves to each other; it's easy for me to say that they're both my primaries and we're in a V formation. As I mentioned above, K is a lifetime poly devotee. He and I have been dating for two and a half years, and will be marrying legally this coming fall. Z and I began as friends with benefits a year ago today(!), and he first heard of poly as a term from me, and shifted quickly and happily into being life partners. He and I are planning on having a wedding without legal benefits in a couple of years.

Edit on 3/21: Z just got an account on here as "twig". Be sure to say hi! K still doesn't have an account, and isn't likely to get one.

The three of us co-house with half a dozen other people in a giant townhouse in Boston. (Z was actually planning to move in with us before we started dating!) Right now I'm pursuing a few people as friends with benefits and feeling open to those relationships changing as they may. K is not actively seeking other relationships but would be pleased if they fell into his lap. Z is grappling with his feelings, as poly is still fairly new to him, and pursuing a poly chick who might be a good girlfriend for him and friend for us (though that's going far more rockily than I'd like).

Not sure how we managed it, but we're all fairly out. Of our parents and siblings, K's mother is the only one who may not know, and we're not actually sure about her! (My family has been wildly supportive, K's family has had mixed reactions, and Z's has been concerned/hostile.) All of our friends know, save some of K's and my friends from high school who we never see anymore. I've even told a bunch of my coworkers, though admittedly only the ones I felt certain I'd get a positive reaction from.

Edit on 2/22/10: My on-and-off girlfriend/dom is officially back in the picture romantically (we bounce between being friends and being more than friends a lot), and I'm thrilled. Though technically the label "secondary" would define us, we prefer going by "girlfriends from the waist up" these days!

Edit on 3/21/10: The world is actually way more complicated than that... My romantic life is at the point where I feel compelled to diagram it.

The rest of my life: I teach preschool. I write fanfiction (Firefly, Star Trek, House, Utena-- private message me if you want a link, or just to chat) and cut socks up so I can sew them into terrifying stuffed animals. I flirt with BDSM, emphasis on the submission. I read Laurell K Hamilton's books and feel schadenfreude, which proves I need to grow emotionally!

Last edited by saudade; 03-22-2010 at 12:33 AM.
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