Originally Posted by classycaveman
Well my first thought is that you are still in the New Relationship Energy (NRE) stage, (infatuation) and it's hard to tell what you actually want long term versus what your hormones are telling you.
Are she and her husband trying to fix the marriage? If so, I would suggest breaking communication and letting her focus on that. Tell her you'd love to hear from her when she's ready, and leave it at that. If you don't, there is the danger that your influence will play a part (or even just a perceived part) in breaking up her marriage, and that could be a problem between you two in the future.
I'm honest enough to admit that a lot of what I'm feeling is NRE. That being said, this woman and I have had a deep friendship for sometime... there was a strong connection between us before we started seeing one another.
As for backing fully away, that crossed my mind. After discussing it with my wife, though, we don't think it would be a good idea... right now she needs her friends to stand by her.
Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit
You don't mention anywhere here about how things seemed to be between you and her husband ?
That's a REALLY important missing piece ? In a good or best setting you two would have at least been friends/on the same page with everything. So that missing piece is critical to understanding what the reality of the situation is.
But in general, I would fall back to this question....(for yourself)
What would I do if these people (she and husband) were just close friends ?
How would I proceed ?
Her husband is a good guy, and we're close enough friends. As far as I know, he's never said a cross word about me and thinks highly of me as well. That's one of the reasons I was so keen to back away and give them space to get things settled. He and I will probably never be best friends, but I like him and respect him enough that I never want him to think I'm trying to come between them, and I believe he understands that... neither of them seem like the type to blame their problems on others.
If they were just close friends, I don't think this would be nearly as much of an issue... she wouldn't have to be looking at possible divorce, moving out, or any other major life changes. With that looming on the horizon, I can understand her needing some time to get herself figured out.