Have you tried doing any reading? The ethical slut, opening up, polyamory in the 21st century...website morethantwo.com. For both of you. I dunno abou her having him over, making out at your place, having you and he hang out together, before your comfortable. My boyfriend and I (previous poster, he can vouche for this
) did not have any of that around my husband until he was ok with it.
One more word of advice, I'm not saying you aren't, but you need to own what your feeling outside of her. If that makes sense