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Old 08-14-2013, 10:45 PM
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fuchka fuchka is offline
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Hey JaneQ - thanks for your further thoughts. I have some specific concerns re: sharing this blog, which I intend to tease out at some point.

Busy week so far. Ocean's been here, and it's been lovely to show him around the city. This is my life right now.

We had a funny comment about monogamy, triggered by some comments my brother made to the effect that he "couldn't believe that Ocean would really want this, ideally. Surely he would prefer to have you to himself."

Ocean said to me - "how can I put this in a nice way. I'd rather not have you around all the time."

Hilarious. Ocean followed up with (totally unnecessary) clarifications about wanting to live with me, loving spending time with me etc etc, awww. It's okay baby, I get it.

A somewhat connected sentiment this morning:

I'm usually much perkier than Ocean when I wake up, and I'm one of those first-thing-in-the-morning Talkers that Snoozy Morning People seem to be infuriated by. (I try to curb, but it's hard.)

This morning, I woke up with a blah-blah-blah.

Ocean: So you're awake, are you?
me: Yup. Don't you miss me when I'm not around?
Ocean: Yes, I do. Now can you... remind me how it feels like to miss you? [waves me out of bed]

Last night, Ocean and I went out drinking with Lobe. Two-way conversations seemed to flow better. Ocean and Lobe had some intense dialogue that I was interested in, but had no in to. It wasn't a problem, I was happy to chill out. But it was odd, to feel a bit third-wheel-ish

Yesterday afternoon at work had a bit of a fuck up that stressed me out for several hours afterwards. My manager asked if I had a minute to chat. Then she sounded me off about the possibility of me staying on until the end of the year (contract currently ends mid October). Grotto and I had recently decided that I would not take an extension if it was offered (however previously the possible extension floated to me was an extra six months.)

I was a bit put on the spot by this comment, and thought the end of the year is not as much to ask of me. I said that I would consider it if they asked me, and it may work for me.

Grotto was thrown by this, cos he'd stopped stressing about the distance aspect of our relationship.

I felt awful... wanting to help out with work, wanting to stay on for a few reasons, but mostly wanting to go back to the city where most of my folks are.

In the end, I sent a text to my manager in the evening retracting my "tentative yes" to her proposal. I know I didn't owe it to her or strictly need to, but I needed to, to get closure on it and stop my frettin.

Conflicting desires, eh! But you gotta do what you gotta do.
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