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Old 08-13-2013, 07:42 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NowIKnow View Post
I don't buy into this polyamorous requirement that if you are legally married to someone that your spouse has to also be romantically involved with the other person you are in love with.

I'm not saying it isn't possible, I'm just saying that if I find someone I love and wish to spend time with it shouldn't be required that my spouse accept them also.
Is this actually a serious statement? I am kind of having a hard time believing that a grown adult with common sense would even think that this is true.

First of all, there are no "requirements" to polyamory. Poly simply means being able to love or open to loving more than one person without the need to hide it or keep it a secret (a la cheating). That is all.

If there are individuals making up dumb rules like the one you mentioned, that's their choice (and rules like that usually originate from a partner's deep insecurities or a need to be very controlling), but there are no poly police going around telling married or partnered couples that they must share lovers in order to qualify as polyfolk. Furthermore, such a requirement would basically dismiss the autonomy of any lover and their ability to choose whom they wish to be involved with. It is domineering and utterly disrespectful for one person in a couple to demand that another person (outside the couple) be required to fuck and/or love both people. I mean, that's basically forcing someone... ewwww.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 08-13-2013 at 09:16 AM.
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