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Old 08-13-2013, 04:55 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by Petunia View Post
When you think of someone special in your life as "my husband", "my boyfriend", "my wife", "my girlfriend", "my lover", (insert appropriate label) does it elicit feelings of possessiveness, as in "s/he's mine," or connectivity, as in this person is someone of value in my life and I am connected to them in this special way?

If you feel possessiveness due to these labels, do you chose to use other terms that carry less meaning to change your perspective? Such as, "the wo/man that I'm married to" or "the person I'm dating"?

I recently had someone tell me I should ponder this as he felt I was using the term "my husband" possessively in my thinking which made me feel bad and has led to this examination.
I use the term "my husband" because it's convention, and "the man to whom I'm married" is 3 times as many words and therefore inefficient.

Does this someone believe that to be the case whenever anyone uses the term my so-and-so? Or are you a special case? Context is important. If you were saying something like "How could that woman have the audacity to speak to my husband?!??" then yeah that would come off sounding a little possessive. But if it was like, "my husband is the most amazing person on the planet" then Someone was likely colouring your words with their own prejudices.

I suspect that meaning elicits labels more than labels elicit meaning. i.e. Either someone feels possessive about their husband, or they don't. They're unlikely to become possessive just by virtue of using the term "my husband." Just like how Vix and her husband have chosen to change their language to reflect their feelings, rather than for example saying "well, you are my husband, so I must possess you, because that's what 'my' means."
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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