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Old 08-13-2013, 03:42 AM
pr100889 pr100889 is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 3
Default I don't know what the right thing to do is.

My partner and I have been together for the last 20 months or so, and for the last month she has been seeing somebody else.This is very important to her as being in a polyamorous relationship is something she feels is an integral part of herself. While I don't have any interest in being anything other than monogamous, I understand how important this is to her and of course want to make her happy.

The person she's been seeing she's gotten to know over the last two months, talking to him most days over facebook and/or skype, but I'd never met him until he first came over a month ago. When that happened I came across them while they were lying on top of each other kissing, which is more than I had expected at the time. I left, freaked out a bit, and he ended up leaving while my partner and I discussed what had happened and what was important to each of us. She would like me to get to know him better, and I've been trying to do that, both playing games with him and spending time with him in person, even though it makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable but it's not very easy to get to know him because my partner doesn't trust us around each other, and doesn't want to see him get hurt by my hurt.

Both her and I believe that communication and honesty is very important in this, and I additionally would like both a) her support and b) some amount of time to be able to deal with my issues and insecurities on this. Recently, she has been wanting to 'move a step further' each time she sees him, i.e. last time she saw him she showed her her breasts and yesterday they were rubbing each other underneath their pants. I feel like my partner is moving too quickly for me to be able to cope with, and I'm not sure how long I'll be able to handle how she's been doing things. In the last month I've only been able to become okay with her kissing someone else passionately, which isn't anywhere near quickly enough to be able to cope with what's happening. I'm beginning to feel very unsecure in our relationship, which is causing additional problems because she feels like I'm being clingy and needing to talk to her too much, and feels burdened with my problems. In the last week I've been in a pretty low place outside of everything, and she doesn't want my mood to affect her happiness anymore.

All of this has made her want to be less affectionate with me. This of course compounds my insecurity. Additionally, she feels that my needing her to slow down makes her interactions with him artificial, and thinks that with that requirement I'm trying to control what she does with her body and infringe on her rights as a person to do what she wants. I've been having trouble sleeping and eating, I'm hurt, and I don't know where right and wrong is here, because I'm involved in this, and I don't know if I'm being selfish, or if my partner's being selfish, and I need outside perspective.

I don't trust anyone I know to give me useful or unbiased advice or support, and I'm not sure what to do.
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