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Old 08-13-2013, 02:32 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: SoNH
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Today's observations:

- If I hoovered my dinner, intimidated my sister into giving me hers, then turned around to hork it all up on the floor, I'd be diagnosed with at least a couple disorders. For my cat, this is an average Monday.

- My house can go from "Clean" to "Hoarders" in a day.

- I know very little about mold removal. Today has ended with a call to my homeowner's insurance agent, with a potential call to Servpro in my future.

Sigh.

Anyway... I think I owe a post about the first "sleepover" with M1, P, and myself sharing a bed (well, air mattress).

A little backstory:

In the beginning of my relationship with P, I thought I was "just fine" with everything. Intellectually, I got Polyamory, even if it wasn't my own path. I was friends with M1. We all got along, and all was sunny and right in the world. Those little nagging emotions? I shouldn't be feeling those. I'm GREAT!

Except, not. I had been a pro at burying my emotions for a long time. Hell, my dad died when I was 17, and I bottled it all up and went back to school like nothing happened (until it all came out during my first drunken party - oops). It sucks when you don't know you're lying to your partner and metamour about what you're feeling, because you don't know that you're lying to yourself.

At some point, there was talk of us all going to the local Highland Games and camping out for a weekend. P was excited when I agreed, and there was talk of a threesome. M1 was looking forward to it, P was looking forward to it, and I THOUGHT I was looking forward to it.

Well, no.

It wasn't just the camping trip/threesome, but other things that ended up taking those buried emotions, pressurizing them, and being helpless to avoid the eruption of Vesuvius as P and M1 got stuck in Pompeii.

I ended up out of the picture for a while, and when I came back, I still needed to reevaluate what my OWN emotions were, where I fit in, how I felt about everything - honestly. I ended up harboring a lot of resentment against M1, and that took a while to recover from.

Meanwhile, P and M1 went to the Highland Games and had a great time. I was torn between being pissed at myself for "ruining" it all, and relieved that I wasn't trying to go through with something I didn't really think I could do.


Fast forward to this summer.
Some talk of the Highland Games again. P wants us both to go with him, and after some initial emotional ups-and-downs on my part, I agreed (I thought this was a special thing between him and M1 by this point, and I really didn't want to feel like a third wheel... after some conversation, though, it seems to not be the case).

This time, we all had a bit more experience under our belts. Camping, one tent, one air mattress, but jammies and no threesome nookie.
With a caveat.

That we have a trial run, in a "safe place" so I could go somewhere if I couldn't handle it (rather than having to sleep in the car).

So the sleepover was just that - the trial run.

More backstory:
M1 and I had gone through a bit of stress of our own over the past few months... She wanted us to be close, like in a BFF or sisterly type of way, and while I like her, I really didn't feel a "click" like that. We're pretty different people in general, and it didn't help that we both have different ideas of what a "close friend" is, and she felt our relationship was more intimate (as in, baring your soul) than I did.

It was a fairly long road, where she felt frustrated with the push/pull of my emotions (I really didn't want to be chatty or close at times, especially when I was having an issue with P's availability or something like that - this was still in the "Growing Pains" phase, somewhat), and I felt like I was getting steered into a close friendship, rather than just letting it happen naturally. Or not.

We finally agreed that we'd let our friendship be what it'll be. No timetables to be something "more" than what we are. No "well, we spent time together on Friday, so are we closer yet?"

It was about a couple months after that talk, where I thought that it would be fun to go antiquing with M1, and I asked her to go that day.

So, it was a fun day of antiquing that felt GREAT with no pressure to BE some kind of BFF that I'm not, but just to be whatever the hell we ARE. That day, it was two friends who like little kitchy shops.

P came home from an asstacular commute, and we went to the liquor store, where we got a larnin' on whiskey (the more aged, the more flavor). I'd always thought whiskey was supposed to taste like turpentine. Apparently, the better stuff tastes like turpentine and other oaky flavors. I actually liked it. Go figure.

Slumber party continued with a viewing of The Kentucky Fried Movie (one of my faves), and then bedtime.

And it went swimmingly.
All the angst from the previous year just didn't exist. Kisses goodnight from P to me, and from P to M1, various cuddles, but really just SLEEP. The worst part of the night was the reviled "air mattress taco" that destroyed my shoulder as the sun came up.

So we now have plans to go camping. And I really AM looking forward to it this time. And we plan to get a better air mattress.

TL;DR: Sleepover was cool. Next one will involve tents and men in kilts. Yowza.
__________________
Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 13; and PokéGirl, 10), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In relationships with Chops and Noa, and dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In relationships with Chops and Xena (individually).

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk
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