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Old 08-12-2013, 08:30 PM
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mewster mewster is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2013
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Hi I'm little star.

I'm a 39 yr old woman and involved in a non-monogamous relationship with a woman (Sir eDog) 15 years older than me. Sir eDog has another woman (Sooz) who she has been involved with for 18 years. They are having a tough time because Sooz thought they had an open relationship wherein they could have sexual, casual encounters in a dont ask dont tell environment but no other emotional/romantic enduring connections. Sir eDog has said that was never what she agreed to. actually the root of their issues is deeper - more to do with Sooz not wanting to work on issues in the relationship that surfaced 3 - 5 years ago. As with all good denial it goes unchecked and takes on a size and life of its own.

I have done non-monogamy in a way similar to Sir eDog for the past 8 years or thereabouts. I don't believe in ownership or dictating what mine or any other lover/intimate's connections look like. We cannot know how a connection will evolve, devolve, unfold or destruct. Sooz is becoming adamant that I be jettisoned, Sir eDog won't do it. But Sir eDog also is not jettisoning Sooz - how do you dismantle something that you've been building for 18 years? Especially among lesbians who seem to be in new relationships every other day ( we are always seemingly falling into or out of relationship quickly -its not for nothing that we carry the "u-haul syndrome" stereotype).

I prefer the model where everyone meets and has conversation, as one article said - talk about my honor, your honor and how we will honor the person/people we share. Sooz will not meet me, it hasn't actually been offered because Sir eDog feels the age difference angle and various others outside appearance will further inflame Sooz' jealous fits.(Sooz is actually older than eDog by a few years).

Currently I am house sitting for Sir eDog while they are in Alaska on vacation. I am running through the pain of missing my lover/girlfriend. i am wondering how the crucible of traveling will further inflame or extinguish their disconnects and heartache. Sir eDog has been texting and emailing almost every day which I had not expected would happen but now they are in a remote spot with little to no reception so without the daily digital lilypads I'm sad and feeling the void/absence of her.

looking forward to joining the community here and listening to your wisdom and feedback.

in solidarity with gratitude,
little star
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