I'm probably about to make myself very very unpopular on this forum, but I have to say that I disagree with most of what's been said here. I put myself in your husbands shoes based on what you said, and asked myself 'How would I feel?'
As it turns out, it wasn't that hard. I have been in his position, and I recalled very painfully something I had thought i'd resolved. If I were him, I would have already begun the process of ending the relationship. Not because of just the sex component - which is important no matter how much others may it isn't.
It's true that you shouldn't have to 'pacify' him. But not only do you not have to, you don't want and aren't willing to do it anyway out of love. That's three strikes right there. In relationships, we should sometimes do things we don't want to to make a partner happy. That, too, is part of a healthy relationship (i know others will disagree).
He feels superfluous in your life because he is. The connection, the foundation upon which your relationship existed is crumbling and he's scrambling to fix it before the whole thing comes down because he loves you. The other guy is everything he is, and better (you said your BF did a lot of the same things he does; that hurts).
It seems like your personal limits are quite a bit more conservative than his actual desires too. Counseling is good, as always, but I suspect (though certainly do not hope) that you may be well-served to be prepared for a change in the relationship dynamic. As many people have already suggested, maybe you just want a roommate to do stuff for you. If so, and he's cool with that, go for it. But get a divorce lawyer just in case.
Last edited by Eternaldarkness; 08-12-2013 at 06:45 PM.
Reason: Forgot some stuff