Originally Posted by SNights
The thing is that I haven't actually discussed how I feel with the "secondary" guy. At the moment it is an irregular FWB situation. He knows that I have a boyfriend and he knows that my boyfriend knows about us although he finds it hard to understand the emotions/acceptance behind it. He is pretty open minded and has other lovers himself but none of them are serious to him, just short term liasons and I don't really know how to broach the subject of an open polyamorous relationship. My main partner knows how I feel about him and that I would like to have more than a FWB situation and we have discussed this amicably.
Well - where he's (the FWB) apparently totally new to the concept you 'might' just start by telling him it's far from new but picking up steam incredibly the last few years. Then point him to some sites or books - lots are referenced here - and suggest he study up. When he's done that (if he will) he'll understand much better where your mind is at. At that point he may turn and run like a cheetah or the discussion will get LOTS more interesting
And if he ends up being receptive, I'd recommend all 3 of you making a date to meet & get to know each other. ASAP maybe some fun activity you all share an interest in to make it more relaxed. That's always nice.
Being kind of the 'outsider' and being invited over to your place first time can feel like walking into a bears den