Thread: BDsm
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Old 02-12-2010, 04:10 PM
MonoVCPHG's Avatar
MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742

BDSM is an interesting subject for me. My interest in it from a more formal and cultural standpoint is tied directly to my relationship with Redpepper. Public events and learning about the culture is something I do to share with her and can be fun. It is not a culture I would embrace if I was not in a relationship with her, but then again neither is most sex positive or poly stuff in general. I learn more and more about sexuality and its diverse expressions though her but I don't have a passion for them independently. I'm much more private, focussed and one-on-one with sexuality. I am essentially a mono-vanilla-cracker..that is where my comfort lies. That is not where she is however and the power of our connection is worth me pushing myself in these areas within the core boundaries of our relationship. We often talk about how I would drift from the poly community if our intimate connection was broken, BDSM is not different. I would inevitably find myself back where my nature draws me.

Maintaining a positive and helping attitude towards pursuits that are not particularly comfortable to me at times is a way to ensure that our paths do not diverge. That is the mistake I made in my previous relationship. I supported the career path my ex-wife took, but did not involve myself in it enough to maintain connection with her.
It is nice to see your partner fulfilled but it is important to recognize who is being fulfilled. BDSM is not about my fulfillment. I accept it and want to help make sure it is done in a safe and healthy way for her.

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Monogamy might just be in my genes

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