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Old 08-12-2013, 06:58 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 2,401

Originally Posted by alinpaul View Post
I wish I was psychic, but I find when I don't listen to my instincts, I regret it later.
I completely agree. It took me a long time to learn to trust my gut, but I did finally get it through my head that sometimes my intuition knows things my conscious can't agree with. I can't remember ever trusting my gut and regretting it, and I can count dozens of times where listening to my brain instead of my instincts has gotten me in all kinds of trouble.

The funny thing is, I don't want to decide for him if he is poly or not. He has to do that for himself. I do want him to discover more about polyamory, discuss with a forum what he is feeling and just be open to the concept. If it isn't right for him; then we should discuss how to be mono with a poly, if it is a workable lifestyle.
Realistically, he may be "neither." Many people go in and out of phases all through their lives. There may be times when he feels capable of loving multiple people, and times when he just wants you.

Whether he's poly or mono isn't as important as what behaviours you choose and how he chooses to respond to those behaviours. Even if he discovers that he is polyamory, it really won't make it one iota easier for him to deal with any emotions that come up. It may even make it harder.

I'm trying to learn to stop wanting things for other people. They have to come into them on their own terms. While I love education and always support people trying to learn as much as they can about a thing, you really can't force people to inform themselves. Letting him choose whether or not to learn about polyamory is one way of respecting his autonomy.

Funny thing about this is, I asked him today if he really loved me or does he feel like he owns me? I pointed out that loving me doesn't mean I am his possession (I feel like I am one at times). That love is unconditional.
My, what a difficult question! I mean, obviously there's only one "acceptable" answer... Who, in this culture, is ever going to admit that they believe they own their spouse?

Some love is unconditional. Most is not. Everyone has their breaking point.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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