After reading through the other responses i think just about everything has been covered, lol.
However, it might help both of you to sit down and define what polyamory, BDSM, love, etc. mean to each of you. These are all terms which have different meanings to different people. There are as many different forms of polyamory as there are relationships, as many different meanings for love as there are people who love, etc.
A lot of times misunderstandings happen because the people having the discussion have totally different definitions
i second the motion for the two of you to go to BDSM munches, brunches, workshops in order to help you better define what these things mean to you. The same goes for poly get togethers and workshops.
i also second www.xeromag.com
. It's a WONDERFUL site. Lots of great advice and analogies. He also has a section on BDSM which you might want to check out.
It sounds as though you are doing something right
. You are COMMUNICATING with each other.