I have been in a stable monogamous living situation for 7 years now--prior to that I had been in serially monogamous relationships nonstop for... a long time. I was even dating someone else long-distance when my partner came along. He was not comfortable with that arrangement, so as had been the pattern previously, I broke it off with my LDR. That's just what you do, right? Something better/different/intriguing comes along, and you move on.
Anyway, about a year ago, and for the first time in this relationship, I began to have that niggling sensation I was developing feelings for someone else. Nothing earth-shattering, but a disconcerting curiosity for what it might be like to explore feelings with someone else. Coincidentally, two friends of mine around that time "came out" as poly, and I thought, that's me! The answer to all my questions! This CAN work! Why of course I would love my partner to explore feelings with someone else if it meant he felt complete with me... yes!
Anywho, after doing some research (i.e., reading the forum, reading Opening Up, talking to my friend about what "works") I brought this to my partner. It went over like gangbusters. He said if he even found out I had feelings for someone else, he would leave me. I admitted to having feelings for someone else. We broke up.
Then got back together when I thought I could ignore it and promised to try really, really hard not to have feelings for someone else because sure, you can turn that thing on and off like a switch.
And last week, we broke up again because he cannot trust that my "feelings" will not return and complicate things in our otherwise harmonious relationship.
So, hi everyone. I'm here to read a little bit.