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Old 08-11-2013, 03:33 AM
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alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North Idaho
Posts: 346

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
If your goal is to convince your husband that you can love another person without falling out of love with your husband, then just go ahead and do it. No hypothetical argument is as convincing as evidence and reality.
The bold above is so true. I could argue it and argue but until I fall in love and still love him, I'll turn blue in the face trying to convince him verbally.

Maybe it will, maybe it won't. You can't really convince anyone that the future will be one way or another, because no one ever really knows until it's the past. Barring, of course, psychic powers of prediction, in which case can you give me some good stock tips for next year?
I wish I was psychic, but I find when I don't listen to my instincts, I regret it later. And that is true as well, trying to convince anyone of the future. I do know after almost 18 years of marriage he and I have gone through a few separations (more than 3) & moments of not being in love with each other. And today, here we are still loving each other & communicating the best we ever have due to each of us discovering more about ourselves individually. I feel like I will still love him as much as now if I fall in love with another. I've been there before in our past, I just didn't know it was polyamory those many years ago.

It sounds like you're doing exactly the same thing he is: trying to decide for him whether he's poly or not. Perhaps if you both spent more time listening to the beliefs and feelings of the other and less time deciding what the other is or is not, you could move past this roadblock.
The funny thing is, I don't want to decide for him if he is poly or not. He has to do that for himself. I do want him to discover more about polyamory, discuss with a forum what he is feeling and just be open to the concept. If it isn't right for him; then we should discuss how to be mono with a poly, if it is a workable lifestyle.

I love that line from Forrest Gump... "What does normal mean, anyway?"

But yes, it's pretty common for people to be all over the place minute-to-minute as they begin exploring the world of nonmonogamy. Also surprisingly common. People don't always think through the fact that opening doors means anyone can walk through them.
Good point to remember as we start this journey.

I personally try to avoid possessive language like "sharing me." To me, it implies that he owns you and he's allowing you to do this or that. You own you, and only you get to share you.
Funny thing about this is, I asked him today if he really loved me or does he feel like he owns me? I pointed out that loving me doesn't mean I am his possession (I feel like I am one at times). That love is unconditional.

Those above are issues, he and I, need to resolve, individually and together. We spoke briefly (he's working) and will talk tonight when he gets home.

Thank you for your input. I'm realizing more about myself with each comment.

Last edited by alibabe_muse; 08-11-2013 at 03:37 AM.
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