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Old 08-11-2013, 01:49 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 2,130

My first thought upon reading the title was "Why does it matter?" When I saw that you had answered the question for yourself and trying to change your husband's mind, I'm not sure my reaction changes.

If your goal is to convince your husband that you can love another person without falling out of love with your husband, then just go ahead and do it. No hypothetical argument is as convincing as evidence and reality. It doesn't sound like he's trying to stop you from dating, so just go with that and let the chips fall where they may.

Originally Posted by alinpaul View Post
So I do need advice on getting hubs to see dating is going to be great.
Maybe it will, maybe it won't. You can't really convince anyone that the future will be one way or another, because no one ever really knows until it's the past. Barring, of course, psychic powers of prediction, in which case can you give me some good stock tips for next year?

Originally Posted by alinpaul View Post
I'm starting to think he's more mono than poly
It sounds like you're doing exactly the same thing he is: trying to decide for him whether he's poly or not. Perhaps if you both spent more time listening to the beliefs and feelings of the other and less time deciding what the other is or is not, you could move past this roadblock.

Is this normal for one partner to feel these things when starting out in the poly world?
I love that line from Forrest Gump... "What does normal mean, anyway?"

But yes, it's pretty common for people to be all over the place minute-to-minute as they begin exploring the world of nonmonogamy.

It's funny because he's the one who suggested and now he's the one having resistance to it.
Also surprisingly common. People don't always think through the fact that opening doors means anyone can walk through them.

He loves sharing me sexually (as long as he can be there) but I've discovered he is not ready to share me emotionally.
I personally try to avoid possessive language like "sharing me." To me, it implies that he owns you and he's allowing you to do this or that. You own you, and only you get to share you.
Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
Auto: my girlfriend (lives with her husband Zoffee).

The most dangerous phrase in the English language is "we've always done it this way."
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