Well with my ex, I did what I wanted, I didn't tell him and he didn't ask. I was not allowed (yes I said allowed) to smoke, drink , go to bars, date others (unless he was "in on it") but I went to bars, stayed out until 4-5 am with my girlfriend and I smoked. So in assuming he knew what was going on but as long as it wasn't discussed or in the open in was fine.
I didn't like the situation but wasn't willing for war so I left and when N and I got together we entered into it as poly.
done with poly, the end.