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Old 08-10-2013, 12:50 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 6,474

I am sorry you and your bf are not on the same page, and didn't foresee this issue coming up.

Your bf may think he's being kind and loving, "allowing" you to have sex with and have limited romantic feelings for others. Now he's coming up against your passionate side, you can't limit your feelings, you love intensely, this is your nature.

We can't change our feelings. However, we can decide how to act upon our feelings. Until recently, you didn't meet anyone who you wanted to spend lots of time with besides bf. I feel sad you broke off your previous "intense" relationship to please your bf. Do you carry resentment from that? Disappointment?

And now another hot potential has come along, and you're not gonna give up so easily. You want to spend 1-7 days a week with him, but your bf is not comfortable with that amount of time. I don't really blame him, that is a lot to ask after being nearly mono for years.

Can you compromise? See New Guy on the lower end of your desire, twice a week? Could your bf deal with that if he was getting lots of your undivided attention on the other days? It's up to you to show you can handle 2 intense relationships without letting either feel neglected. It will be hard for your bf, who is used to things being one way. This will test your relationship. Can he deal, or will he bail? Can you respect his "growing into poly pains" and go more slowly as he gets used to the idea of what you really want from polyamory now?
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62)
Pixi (poly, F, 40) together since 2009
My bf Kahlo (poly-friendly, M, 45) since August 2017
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixi's bf for 5 years
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