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Old 08-10-2013, 01:36 AM
LovelyFuture LovelyFuture is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 18
Red face Partner Disagrees on "Allowed" Levels of Romantic Intensity? What to do?

Hello there. It's so awesome to ask this question here...I don't know that many poly people Here goes:

I (female) am in an open relationship with my boyfriend of a few years. We've always considered ourselves "open", but haven't dated outside too much, except for a few small flings here and there.

A little history: A few months ago, while Boyfriend was out of town for the weekend, I connected with someone, & began an intense relationship with them, which almost resulted in a breakup with Boyfriend. I ended up having to break up the intense relationship.

Recently, I've begun seeing a new man, let's call him 'NewGuy'. Boyfriend went out of town again a few days ago, & I started hanging out with NewGuy almost everyday.

Boyfriend gets upset that I'm seeing NewGuy so much, & says "It's not cool to see NewGuy everyday - you're setting up expectations. I want you to have fun, I want you to see other people, but you're my girl, you're not somebody else's girl. I am not going to be one of your two boyfriends. We can have friends that we have sex with, & have romantic feelings with, but it can't go beyond friends. Once I have grown & developed as a person, I can see us being closer with people, or living with them, but right now I'm not capable of sharing you that way with somebody. You are my life, and I'm not ready to give a giant chunk of my life away to somebody like that. We don't own each other, but we can share each other a little bit, like here, borrow my girlfriend, but don't take her away for weeks and weeks." [edit: I don't actually go away for weeks - in the last relationship, I wanted to see the other guy every 1-3 days.]

So in essence, he wants us to have fun & see other people, but he doesn't want it to be to intense.

On the other hand, I like my relationships to be intense, I like being in love, & I enjoy spending time with other people.

Advice? Last time this happened, I ended up breaking off the other relationship, b/c Boyfriend was going crazy & feeling very depressed, & I couldn't stand to come home to see him in tears all the time.

I don't want to upset him, I want to honor his feelings, but I also feel that his preferences limit me, & my real desire for a deep connection with someone. What to do?

Last edited by LovelyFuture; 08-10-2013 at 02:03 AM.
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