"I love you and miss you in my life, but I'm polyamorous" (explanation/description/s go/es here) "and I would love to see more of you, but there are a couple of other people I'm very close to and I won't sacrifice my other relationships or my autonomy for an exclusive one with you or anyone else."
The above is from BlackMAgicBlonde's blog. I hope she doesn't mind that I borrowed it.
To say it resonates is an understatement. It was the answer to the N situation and probably the C situation and any people I meet in the future, with a little editing.
On a separate note, I meet up with K last night. As he gently reminded me I "dumped" him twice, but we have stayed in virtually constant contact.
I had some stuff I had promised for his move into his new flat and last night was the night to drop it off.
Of course we got into the what went wrong discussion. I repeated what I said before, about time, going out, me hosting 100% of the time as he has his child 7 nights a week and every weekend. Mine go to their dad's on a fairly regular basis and he still hasn't got an STD test.
He said he had been thinking about all this and wanted to make changes. He would renegotiate with his ex about every weekend or pay for the sitter to go to her house, so we could divide hosting responsibilities and increase time to go out. K was turning into daytime food and fuck buddy and as I told him repeatedly that I wasn't into that. Hence dumping him a first and second time.
He had looked up places to get testing done and would do that in the next week or so.
He said he was over the post separation fucking around and wanted to find one or 2 people who he enjoyed spending time with, have good conversation, create a connection, maintained their own life and wanted one of them to be me. ( sounding a bit solo-poly there K!)
He had been waiting till the move to approach me again.
He also said he also had issues with bringing his dates into the home he shared with his child, he didn't want dating and family to mix. ( This had never been mentioned, jut that his flat was always a no-go) But with the new apartment he wanted things to change. I was his first visitor in the new place. I had never been the other flat in 4 months.
I asked him what he wanted from me and he said nothing different, but try to speak French and appreciate his limericks. My french is awful and so are his limericks. But I can try
He is not a native french speaker, his first language is English so the french speaking one is a bit silly, but I am more than happy to let him chat away, my understanding is better than my speaking. These were more teasing requests than serious ones.
So we left it at he would start the negotiations with the ex and see about freeing up the occasional weekend night and get back to me with an update on whether or not try again. The regular text chat continues as normal.