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Old 08-08-2013, 09:26 PM
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franchescasc franchescasc is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Southern US
Posts: 123

Originally Posted by FullofLove1052 View Post
First step, stop comparing your long-term marriage to your NRE and relatively new relationship. The two relationships are completely different, and they are both different people. You and your husband have children, extensive history, probably weathered a storm or two, blah blah blah, etc.

Those things like jobs, children, faith, etc. kept you distracted from the incompatibility with FJ.

Learn to appreciate and respect the fact that you have nothing or very little in common. The art of being different is learning to appreciate each other's differences and not harbouring resentment over it. You sound resentful and annoyed because he is not those things you WANT him to be, and it is not his fault or your fault. Learn to live with those differences by accepting him just as he accepts you and stop trying to change him in to what you want or need him to be.

Find other ways to bond and establish a connection. Present new ideas. Get creative. Surprise him with tickets to his favourite artist's concert. Surprise him with tickets to his favourite sports team game. Something has kept you two together all these years, right?
Thanks for your reply FOL-I really do appreciate the feedback. Again-I apologize for sounding annoyed, or sounding like I want to change him. I gave that up a long time ago....we have been together for a long time, and I realized several years ago to appreciate him for who he is. And really I do....I just find myself craving the connection I feel is missing. I just surprised him with tickets to a concert with two bands that he loves-like I said music is his only hobby....and I got the sitters together and booked our hotel and everything. We went...and I was almost bored to tears while he had a great time. It wasn't the music-I loved the band. It wasn't that I don't like concerts-love them and have a GREAT time at a show like that usually. The thing-it was just he and I, and I didn't enjoy his company. I like to dance, and push my way to the front, get a little drunk and meet new people. He just stood there. And like I said-I get it that that's how HE enjoys a concert. I get this feeling that we enjoy life in DIFFERENT ways-and I'm not sure if that's enough for me right now.

And, I only mention MD because that relationship has sorta stirred up new feelings for me, new feelings of connection that I can honestly say have never been in play for FJ and I. That's why I emphasize I wouldn't separate over MD....and I am not comparing them. I am also not oblivious to the fact that no one person can ever be everything I need/want wrapped up into one package.

The thing that has kept us together all these years has been the faith thing....a big thing. And that has fundamentally changed for me. So I'm left wondering what else do we have? A mutual respect for each other, a desire for the other's happiness, 5 beautiful children and a lot of history.
franchescasc-33, bi female, likely monogomish formerly in triad relationship with:
FJ-36, married 15 yrs
MD-35, gf for 8 months
Currently dating SM, male, 40, monogamous
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