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Old 08-08-2013, 08:32 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: English Rose by birth; Calling the Southern Hemi home by choice.
Posts: 915

First step, stop comparing your long-term marriage to your NRE and relatively new relationship. The two relationships are completely different, and they are both different people. You and your husband have children, extensive history, probably weathered a storm or two, blah blah blah, etc.

Those things like jobs, children, faith, etc. kept you distracted from the incompatibility with FJ. You have experienced something new: poly. Your views have changed. You are bored with the way things have always been. Many people do this and they blame their spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, or whoever. So what you are feeling is not new. It is just more apparent now that the distractions like a newborn baby, screaming toddler, hectic schedules, brand new job, etc. are no longer present.

My advice: Let go of the negative feelings that have recently crossed your mind. Let go of the pressure you feel to have to share the same interests. Let go of this notion that he still has to fill all of your needs including liking the things you like. Talk to him. Find out what he likes and is in to. He does sound like an introvert. You may be surprised. Maybe he thinks that relaxing is all you want to do after tending to children and helping to take care of the home. If he is like most people, I am sure there are things he would like to do and places he would like to go. There is a whole world out there.

If this is a need for you, seek someone--even just new friends--who share similar interests. If it is a romantic interest who does, great. Just remember that valuing and appreciating what you have with FJ and MD is very important. Find a happy medium.

Learn to appreciate and respect the fact that you have nothing or very little in common. The art of being different is learning to appreciate each other's differences and not harbouring resentment over it. You sound resentful and annoyed because he is not those things you WANT him to be, and it is not his fault or your fault. Learn to live with those differences by accepting him just as he accepts you and stop trying to change him in to what you want or need him to be.

Find other ways to bond and establish a connection. Present new ideas. Get creative. Surprise him with tickets to his favourite artist's concert. Surprise him with tickets to his favourite sports team game. Something has kept you two together all these years, right?

Last edited by FullofLove1052; 08-08-2013 at 08:34 PM.
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