Thread: New and Scared
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Old 08-08-2013, 06:26 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
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Her letter pretty much lays the bottomline out for you.
Your choice is acceptance of sharing or choosing to leave.

It may not be the choices you want, but those are the choices. In every change that comes in a relationship, both people have to choose. She has made her choice. Now it is your turn to make yours.

I realize it is a painful choice. Either way you go, you lose something. But dragging it out is cruel to you as well as her and the other guy.

We embarked on our polyship sept 2009. At that point maca was. Ehemently against it. He loves me. I love him. But like you, he adamantly did not want to share.
Here's the thing he figured out, even if I agreed to never see GG again-Maca would never be able to stop the reality existing that I DO love both of them.

We separated twice. Once for over a year. We even filed divorce paperwork.
At one point our son looked maca in the face and said "dad, we are family. You need to just get over it. Just like me and *brother*. It doesn't matter what the fight is about, you are wrong to hold a grudge and make everyone miserable. That isn't compromise or love."

Out of the mouth of a 5 year old, the lesson he had pressed so hard on the kids (stepbrother, stepsister and half brother).

He decided there was truth to that. So he returned. But he tried to get in an edge, a dig, little rude remarks, every disagreemen he tossed GG in my face.
Still-not healthy.

Then Galagirl (who posted to you already today) wrote something in my blog on here about when did the punishment end and real life begin?
I asked maca to read it.

Here's the bottomline in that: he can't have what he wanted because it doesn't exist. Me loving only him doesnt exist.
Me loving him AND SOMEONE ELSE does exist.
He can choose to accept me for who I am, as i am or he can leave.

But I do love more than one person. That is who I am and he can't change that.

Sounds to me like you are in much the same place. You don't like the choices so you are fighting for an option that doesn't exist. But that is wastin your time, its wasting YOUR LIFE.
Whether with them or not-when do you decide that YOU deserve to go on with life and enjoy it?
What was before, is no longer. Like losing your legs. Gone. Do you sit in bed screaming and railing at the unfairness of it? (most people do for a time) when do you accept that you can learn to enjoy life without legs or waste away?

The ball is in your court. Accept her for who she is and stay, learning to embrace the new dynamic. Stop railing against it and bemoaning the fair or not fairness of life.
Or
Move on.

Simplified to my dads crude words, shit or get off the pot. But stop complaining aboit how it works.
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