Thread: New and Scared
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Old 08-08-2013, 03:56 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,217

So at this point in time...
  • You and wife have been at this and struggling a bit over 2 years.
  • You and wife have not filed for divorced.
  • You and wife live apart.
  • Wife has given you and BF (your former best friend? How's your relationship with him?) a letter saying she wants be with both of you. And if you are not willing/able to participate that way then you could choose to leave.

So you seem to be at a new assessment point in your life. Well...

Are you willing to partcipate in a polyship and enter it with joy in your heart?

No. You don't seem to. You are wondering if you should leave and let it go.
Are you able to participate in polyship and enter with joy in your heart?
No. You don't seem to be able at this time.
  • Is it from a personal limitation? (and you need a change of mind, belief, heart, or outlook to become more able?)
  • Is it from lack of support from your polypeople? (and you need a change in their support level to become more able?)
    Is it from a lack of interpersonal or intrapersonal skills? (In you or the in the others and need to grow them to become more able to polyship well together?)
  • Is it from a a combo of things?

I do notice you have spent a long time now struggling. I see you are 2 years in and kinda "surviving" in this polyship but not exactly THRIVING in it.
Are you thinking of choosing to stay in it because you enjoy polyshipping?
No. You don't seem to enjoy this. It seems more because you are holding out for her to change her mind and return to "just us" (you + her). You call it "fighting for us" but you actually don't fight for "us" -- there's an "us" already in the polyship "V."

You seem to be fighting to hang on to that hope for an eventual "Just us" shape that you want with her and that she does not want to participate in. Limit reached.

You seem like you cannot imagine life without her and the future seems scary. Yet... you are starting to think of letting go of wanting "Just Us" because things are tiresome for you here hanging on to that want.
Is that where this is at? If so, I'm sorry you continue to suffer.

But you do sound like you are progressing toward acceptance though -- and working on your "I am willing to let go of that want."

In time the "I am able to let go" could follow if you choose to cultivate that. I would suggest doing that.

What that means for the polyship only you know.

But if you are not willing/able to be in polyship like this and enjoy doing it? Could change something. Either how the polyship runs, or within self, or being in polyship at all.

But signing up for MORE of this with NO changes? That's choosing to continue to suffer same old thing, different day. Could not do that. Could not agree to stay in same ol' polyship. Agree to be friends maybe, but could not stay in a polyship form that doesn't not bring you joy.

If you are not ready to consider "freedom to start new relationships" then maybe consider "freedom from tiresome and suffering" at this time... like a smaller step in the process? Could not rush into dating other people right now if that's more than you can chew right now. Could heal first. Only take on portions you can handle one thing at a time.

Could choose to get on with the work of "UN-suffering" and do the things that move you closer to that "willing and able to let go" place. And that could start by telling her "No, thank you. I decline your offer to carry on polyshipping like this. I love you, but I don't love this shape, so I rather work on being friends and love you in a shape I can deal with."

It's up to you what you want to choose next for yourself.

How could people help support you right now as you consider your options at this point in time?

Hang in there!


Last edited by GalaGirl; 08-08-2013 at 08:24 PM.
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