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Old 02-11-2010, 03:22 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by amaranth View Post
*this is pretty much copied from my livejournal.*

So I recieved this yesterday from my mother, on Facebook:

Just had a really strange message from a complete stranger via facebook about you. It was a guy who called himself John Smith who knows if it was his real name. He said some crap about I should know that you are destroying your life and I should know that you are not "mono" and that you have been involved in a "poly" relationship for ages. I spammed it and did not reply. Do you know him and is he a crank or is it someone trying to tell me something I already know? A freak me thinks!

I am utterly confused.

Who the heck would want to do something like that? What would it achieve? I do have suspicions but I won't go into that here.

But more importantly I am panicking about what to do. I know that this means I will be completely outed to my parents soon... a good two or three years earlier than I had intended! My mum is clearly going into her denial thing that she does when she hears something she doesn't like (by convincing herself it's a prank.) This is never a good sign. I always intended to come out eventually.... but God, not yet!

So obviously I COULD deny it, say it's not true and leave it at that. But then - I can never really tell them. Because if I lie, and then come out later, it will be a lot worse then. So I feel I have been pushed into a corner where I have to make a decision - now, or never,

The answer, obviously, is looking like "now."

This has completely floored me. Totally, completely out of the blue and unexpected. Aside from feeling incredibly angry, hurt and betrayed, I am also having to weigh up a VERY tough decision about what to do now.

I've told her we'll talk about it when xmakina is present, neither confirming or denying the "accusations." That buys me a few days and means I don't have to do this thing alone.

Oh my gosh. I was not prepared for this.

Wow, that sucks. It seems someone thinks that they are either trying to help you or they have it our for you. Perhaps you should go with your hunch and ask the one you suspect if it was them... out of curiosity rather than anger that is. If you can get to the bottom of that first it might be easier to talk to your mum.

I don't have any good experience to tell you about my coming out. Coming out as a lesbian went better. My parents are still in denial since the fall. At least they leave us alone now though.

Really, the only thing I can suggest is that you tell her that it's true and that's it.

I don't know your mum so it's hard to say. Some parents do better being bombarded with books and information, some just want to discover for themselves or live in denial. Only you know what your mum might prefer. You could ask her if she wants some information I guess. There isn't always a good representation on line of what your idea of poly is. It might serve you and her better if you tell her what poly means to you and then let it go.
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