Had a great, frank conversation with Lobe today about boundaries. A conversation I was nervous about having because I felt to say some things in themselves would be crossing whatever line. But... it was good.
Shared responsibility to make things work.
We both genuinely enjoy each other's company, and would like to hang out and not fuck things up.
Being able to talk
released a lot of the anguish I had around this. I was afraid of talking, that it would fuel sexual tension or something, but it really didn't. He's an ace dude, seriously.
Also - heartbreak, ha! - he said from past experiences he now feels more inclined towards finding a simple, monogamous relationship right now. So this would be pretty much the opposite to what he's looking for.
I fully support people choosing their own life paths and achieving their dreams etc so would want to enable his happiness rather than mess anything up.
On the other hand, gee... I wonder if I can turn him
Kidding. Hmm. Mostly.
Skype date with Grotto now. I really don't want us to have to keep spending time to work through this Lobe stuff. My immediate tension has been released, so hopefully relaxing for a bit.
Though. Something I realised today on the train home (which meant I missed my stop, and took an extra hour to get home) was how swiftly and completely I'm gravitating towards Lobe. I don't know why, but this is... unusual for me. I think. I mean, I'm often impulsive and have expansive emotions. I'm a walking hyperbole. But. I also reckon I know myself pretty well. And this is...
... foolish. But special.
I've fallen in love, folks.
But really, it's great. This is going to be a wonderful friendship regardless of what happens. And the effort will be worth it I think.