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Old 08-08-2013, 06:27 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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What does being "equal" mean to you? Equal is not the same as fair. She might be perfectly happy staying where she is and not getting all tangled up in the everyday lives of the two of you. You don't all have to live together for everyone to be treated fairly and with respect, love, kindness, and consideration. I'd say the first thing you should do is stop referring to her as "the third" and keep yourself in check if you ever start thinking in a Couple Plus One mindset instead of One Plus One Plus One. There are four relationships happening here: you and him, you and her, her and him, and all three of you - so, just always remember that you are all individuals! Don't assume that she has the same dreams and ideals that you do!
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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