Originally Posted by bookworm
Things have been a bit strained the last few days. Bob had a friend that committed suicide and he has really had a hard time with it. He's been depressed and I'm worried about him. Hopefully time will help. I will always do my best to be there for him. But I know he's used to things when he wants to and being with someone who can do the same. But I just can't. And that isn't helping his mood. He said last night that he only hangs around for me, but doesn't he realize that he's Keith's best friend? I've told him that but apparently it doesn't go both ways. I love Bob dearly and if things were different I would marry him this moment, but I can't simply toss Keith aside along with my home and all that I've worked for. Keith has been very supportive of me and Bob I just wish it was the same the other way.
I am not sure if Bob has anyone else, but if he desires someone who can be there all the time, he would do well to either not be in a poly relationship or find a primary. You may want to be there, and it is unfortunate about his friend's suicide, but you still have another relationship that requires your attention, too. You can try and balance the two and be where you need to be.
His thought process is a red flag for me, though. If he is supposed to be Keith's best friend and metamour, respect should be paramount. It took me years and a break-up to realise something, but I now realise that my ex never really supported my marriage. Her behaviour was indicative of that, and I am still paying the price for failing to realise what was right in front of my face.
Bob just does not sound like he is being supportive or respectful of your relationship with Keith or even his friendship with Keith. That is a reason to be concerned. At no point should you ever feel like you have to choose. An aspect of poly is so that you would never have to choose between the people you love. I suggest voicing your concerns with them. JMO.