Thanks for the replies, I appreciate it!
"willingness to move at the pace of whoever is experiencing the most discomfort is a plan that works well for my relationships."
This is a good perspective. I will repeat this to myself while taking very deep breaths.
As for me picking the right person...I think that the right person would be, a.) someone that my husband and I met at the same time, not someone who I met independently that he didn't know, b.) Someone that he at least knew/liked, c.) someone who was either my husband's age or older, d.) someone who was also a parent, e.) and a few other things that if I wrote them would instantly make this post less anonymous