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Old 08-07-2013, 12:58 AM
adverbesque adverbesque is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1
Default I didn't open a relationship; I just started dating poly people.

Hi, all. I'll keep this brief: I'm 45 and more than a year separated -- divorce is en route. I've also been poly for a year. Totally unrelated to the divorce; it started when I met someone I liked who also (swiftly, I might add) ID'd himself as poly. I'd been curious about poly for years, but only in theory (or so I thought). And so when I met DB I figured, what the hell. The only thing I knew is I didn't want my new life to be much like the one that came before it. Give it a shot.

Some 13 mos. later DB and I are still dating -- and I'm also seeing DM and JB. All for about a year each. (Have had many first dates since last summer but I haven't been much interested in any seconds so far. Go figure.) None are primary relationships, although I see all of them as long term. And, for the most part, drama free. In fact, I think I'm happier now with my relationships than I ever was as a monogamist.

My one significant complaint about poly is also one of the best things about it: There's no rules, no infrastructure. Yes, I know there certainly can be with the primaries, secondaries, quads, triads and Vs. If that works, great; to me it all sounds like Quidditch (and I don't like Harry Potter). The stuff I'm trying to understand feels more subtle and elusive -- like, how do you learn to trust the process? Do other people have to deal with overcoming monogamous instincts such as not wanting to talk about other partners? (Monogamists certainly might date more than one person at a time, but very few would talk about it.)

And more than anything, I'd love to hear about people in scenarios like mine. I didn't open a relationship and I don't have a central partner (though maybe I'd like one at some point); I just started dating poly people.

Thanks for hearing me out.
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