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Old 02-09-2010, 04:57 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,467

Originally Posted by assets View Post
I am just really sad and frustrated and I donít know how to talk to him any more.
To me this statement shows the nub of the issue, here. Every time you read about how to make poly work, they talk about communication being vital. When that breaks down, then it's only a matter of time before everything else does.

It sounds like you got bullied (no matter how subtley) into doing something that you were uncomfortable with. The persuasion probably went on and on until you finally gave in and let it happen - and it ended up making you uncomfortable and your needs ended up not being met.

I do love him and I want things to work out but I really donít see anything good coming from our relationship at this point.
What does HE want? Does he value the relationship he has with you enough to talk about your needs, wants and likes and to respect them enough to make sure that at least your needs get met?

Is he willing to do what it takes or has he given up?

A situation like this is complex, and I don't think that any advice on a forum is going to be able to truly get to the bottom of it, because there are a lot of interpersonal dynamics going on, and we only see one side of the story (yours) and don't have an opportunity to ask him how he feels, etc.

My recommendation would be that you (and both of you, eventually) get professional help with a counselor who can get into the depth that you need to get yourself to a point where you can work together and resolve it, and then both of you.

Your profile says you are from Vancouver, BC - I know we have several members here from the city - they may well be able to recommend some poly-friendly counselors that will work on your relationship, rather than trying to "fix you" from being poly. It might be that poly isn't right for one or all of you, but you need to work through a lot of issues before I think you can make that call.

I really do wish you luck and strength in this - these are tough situations.

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
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