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Old 08-06-2013, 03:03 AM
NowIKnow NowIKnow is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 14
Default How did everyone find out they were Poly?

My apologies up front. I'm sure this question has been posted several times but felt the need to explain how I arrived here and seek advice on how I deal with all this.

So, as the name I chose implies, now I know, as in now I know why I've had these feelings all my life. However, I did not find out that I'm Poly until after I married someone, someone that I love dearly, that does not agree with the lifestyle.

I've always have had female friends. The overwhelming majority I never had any sexual relationship with not that I wasn't attracted to them, I just never pushed the issue after sensing they were not interested in going down that path. I was just happy to spend time with them.

I knew I wasn't gay, not that there is anything wrong with being so but just clarifying. I fantasized about these women but never pursued the fantasy.

Now, here I am at 47, married to my wife of 8 years that I feel in love with when I was 19 and was finally able to have the relationship I wanted with her and in a state of depression because I consider another woman my best friend and I see the heartache it causes my wife.

I am attracted to this woman but I know she only considers me a friend and I yet again have not pursued anything based not only on that fact but I don't want to break the vow I gave my wife when we got married...yet, I feel in my heart I already have.

It was hard but I explained my discovery to my wife and told her, "I didn't know!" It was reading Robert A. Heinlein's books, several of them and several times before it sank in that I was polyamorous.

Not looking for a single answer here but is there anyone out there that found out while they were married to someone they loved but didn't agree with the "lifestyle"?

I could go on and on but I'll stop for now.
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