I saw E again this weekend and we had a really nice time, both in bed and out. We've been seeing each other for about a month and a half now, so I asked him if he was happy with how things are going. We had a frank talk which is good, I suppose. Better to know than not.
He told me that while he really enjoyed my company and spending time with me, he didn't think we could see each other often enough for a relationship with serious emotional ties. He says he would want to see a romantic partner more often than a weekend every two weeks. I can understand that, but it makes me sad anyway. He asked me if that was going to be a problem and I said I didn't think so. Despite my disappointment, I really enjoy him as a person and the time we spend together, and the sexual chemistry between us, and I don't want to end things just because it doesn't fit into the pigeonhole that I wanted it to.
But, it means I have to let go of the things I was hoping for. He's the best sex partner I ever had and I would have loved if it turned into more. I really enjoy playing with him at kink parties too. And I can still do both of those things. But I doubt I'll ever collar him as my submissive or have him fall in love with me. And I have to remind myself that it's okay. Not every relationship is going to go there, and that doesn't mean I can't enjoy it for what it is. But it still hurts, because I know I was already starting to develop feelings for him. And it's easy to tell myself that intellectually, but harder in practice.
I'm sad. I know I can still keep looking for a submissive, and I'm sure I will. I was heartbroken over L, but someone new came along. Someone will again. But that doesn't mean I don't hurt now. Which feels bizarre since I guess things are exactly the same as they were before... except that I have to put away the hopes of anything more. So maybe they're not.
It's just weird because it's almost like we're acting like things are the same. He said he recognized that I was getting emotionally attached, and it was just not something he could be in the headspace for because of the distance. He asked me if it was going to be a problem for me and I said no, and then we kind of went on with our morning together and continued making plans for the next time we are going to see each other. He asked me if I wanted to do some kink and I said no, though. I wasn't in that mindset at all. I was hurting and just wanted to keep things together because I really don't want to stop seeing him. I just have to mourn a little bit and I hate that.
I really liked E. He's an awesome guy and we clicked so well together kinkwise and sexwise. And I genuinely enjoyed him as a person. But I guess I don't meet his needs.
Rejection sucks, even if it's just mostly theoretical. I feel like crying even though I feel like I have no reason to be.
: 33 yrs, poly pansexual Dominant female.
Mark/StbxH, my husband of ten years, now separated for 18 months with no desire of reconciliation.
Henry, 29yrs, my collared submissive, dating for 2 years and cohabitating for 1 year. Currently no other partners.
Kiddo, my 6 year old son
Last edited by Vicki82; 08-05-2013 at 09:49 PM.