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Old 08-05-2013, 06:04 PM
Darkling Darkling is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 4
Unhappy So from mono to "it's complicated" is...complicated

Good morning,
I've been in an happy monogamous marriage for over 8 years, and with my husband for over a decade. Over a year ago I developed a crush on another guy, and my husband and I have been figuring out how we are going to deal with it since then. The solution to this problem that we are currently agreed on is basically an in-the-closet poly relationship of some kind between me and this guy. We've read some books, read some stuff online, talked to some friends in poly relationships, and had about a thousand conversations about what that might look like in theory/practice.

I imagined that it would be emotionally complex for a lot of reasons. (I didn't exactly pick the best person to develop an attachment to, it's totally uncharted territory for us, jealousy is a real thing, that's just the top three). Still, I thought he said that I could tell my crush that I have a crush on him. I did, and I think that the other party is cautiously willing to consider at least discussing the subject with me further. I think that despite me trying to go about the whole thing as carefully as possible my hubby and I are still not exactly on the same page. I'm trying to come up with some sort of euphemism for massive amounts of feelings coming up that while not unexpected or unreasonable are still something that we've never had to deal with in exactly this way before.

Now I'm thinking, "why am I doing this?" I have flirted with poly situations in the past, and suspect that it is a possibility for me, but what if it really isn't for him? I figure I can't be the only person dipping my toes into the shallow end of this pool that is wondering if I'm totally nuts for thinking that this is a valid possibility.

Anyway, nice to meet you all,

~darkling
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