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Old 08-05-2013, 03:17 PM
willowstar willowstar is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 122

Sounds like it is probably pretty low risk, but I can see why you would be concerned. Especially if activities such as unprotected anal are happening, even among current partners. Anything SHE gets could be passed on that way...

A personal experience of mine... in a previous poly incarnation I was in a quad that split up. My boyfriend at the time and I were sorting out whether we would become primaries to each other. But he was getting divorced after having kids and wanted to date a bit.

I asked him to please let me know when he started having sex with other women so we could go back to using condoms. I found out weeks later that he had sex with up to 5 women, without telling me! Needless to say I was livid, it was an unforgivable violation of trust, and we broke up over it.

Afterwards, I realized that what I REALLY should have done was just start using condoms with him again once I knew he was dating. I instead decided to trust him, which unfortunately was the wrong choice. I should have been trusting myself and taking care of myself.

I am not saying anything like this will happen to you. Just that the perspective is that, ultimately, your issue is your own safety. Which you can do something about, by using condoms again yourself until the testing comes in. I think we tend to forget that we can keep ourselves safe instead of asking others to do it for us.

You making that choice will send a message to your partners that you are serious about this issue, and that you will take steps to feel safe until results are in. Nothing wrong with that.
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming... ~ Dori

Willow ~ 47yo bi poly woman, married to Bear for 20 years
Bear-59 yo maybe poly/maybe mono straight man, still feeling it out
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