hey - thanks for the responses thus far.
I have the gut feeling that not having us pursue people in my graduate group is a good decision.
I believe this might come from a couple of places for him. 1) we have found the elusive unicorn...(a cure bi girl that obviously likes us both) and 2) I have alot of hot colleagues.
It is not like I am not interested in them, or that I don't flirt with them... I just am not ready for this. It is exactly as someone earlier stated: I want better grounding in my career and my understanding of living this lovestyle before I rock the boat. It's not like I don't want anyone to know - my closest of this group are well aware of the situation. I trust them to have discretion as well. And my sister knows too. I just think there is a happy medium between throwing everything to the wind because you are fighting some "cause" and hiding under a rock for all eternity. Really - this isn't my cause either. What I am pursuing in my career IS! Which is probably adding to the reason that I don't want to mess with the dynamics in that right now. I work in the environmental field with climate change and conservation issues. I have enough of a time trying to convince people of something I care a great deal about. MORE so than my PERSONAL sex life.
It is really funny... It's like the moment that this came up he got very - shall we say - defensive? I mean, for months I wanted to visit local poly groups in our town, and he didn't want to go for fear of being "outed" in a community where he teaches high school in. It wasn't as hard for me since the people in the poly group are not all my colleagues... but may be more likely connected to his career as friends of parents of students, etc.
I think I am going to stick to my guns on this one.