There is this thing called "Borderline Personality Disorder," (I.e. "Borderline") in which a person gets really close, then when close becomes too close and pushes you away. When the distance becomes too great, they will reel you back in... rinse, repeat, ad nauseam. I had a borderline friend once (she moved way out of state), and our friendship survived through limit setting.
Sounds to me as if you have put an extraordinary effort into trying to make this work. If you are able, maybe it is time to walk away. If you find yourself helplessly in love with the guy and want to manage those emotions better, let me know. I fell in love with a lesbian once and had to find a way to deal with that.