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Old 08-04-2013, 05:27 AM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Richardson, TX
Posts: 1,354

Originally Posted by fuchka View Post
I know this ... I appreciate people who disagree with me because it clarifies my own thoughts. Hey, even abrasion is useful sometimes.
I rewrote that statement a couple of times. I was worried that it was going to come off as though I was trying to educate you on something you were pretty obviously aware of (I've debated enough people to be able to tell the difference between the ones who are working shit out and using me as a proving ground and those who simply want to be 'right'). What I meant was more to illustrate that I recognize that *this* is the way growth through debate is meant to happen. You and I are both trying to articulate our views and are learning in the process of expressing them; regardless of whether or not we agree on the details.

I like win-win situations.

Originally Posted by fuchka View Post
I think it's important to be clear about how you're nourishing a connection vs not, and to be aware of your agency here. You hang out with someone, you get to know them. You don't, you don't. Simple as that. I decide who I want to be close to, in what way, and adjust my energy accordingly.
Well put. You may see this in my future posts /stolen

Originally Posted by fuchka View Post
I didn't say your attitude was abrasive. I'd like my nickel back, please I was just stating that being told what to do (instead of sharing reasoning and at most trying to convince) annoys me. It was maybe at most a warning, but definitely not an accusation.
I've been thinking about it all day. IV and I even discussed it, which is good because it was an opportunity to bring her into the core conundrum so she could offer her opinion (she did, I am continually impressed by her).

There is always a delicate balance in how to communicate with people "brutally". While my intention might be to deliver the fruit without any of the rind, I might, in actuality, be throwing the rind free fruit at the intended recipient.

While I am not willing to curtsy to get my information to its intended target, I also don't want to alienate people simply because I am being difficult when it comes to my word usage. So, what I have been pondering today is how to say "the statement 'working on the relationship' is bullshit" without taping the message to a brick and throwing it through a window. In the later case, the message received is "a brick was thrown through my window" and the note is irrelevant. Perhaps I need to find a more concise method to offer people that discussion - since having the discussion is what I think brings about the most value.
Me: male, 40, straight, single
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