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Old 08-04-2013, 12:24 AM
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fuchka fuchka is offline
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Quote:
You may disagree with me fuchka, but what is actually happening is that you are working with me through this idea and helping me to better articulate my point.
I know this

Another thought I had, when reading this:

Quote:
just because *you* might be constructive enough to not be distracted by this phrase as I've described above, I would hate to encourage other people to continue having unhealthy couplings simply because a turn of phrase they heard reinforced on here gave them "permission".
was how the same could be said for speaking in a way that can be taken to imply you don't value making an effort to relate well to other people or to spend time becoming intimate with someone (e.g. "I don't see the point of working on relationships".)

I think it's important to be clear about how you're nourishing a connection vs not, and to be aware of your agency here. You hang out with someone, you get to know them. You don't, you don't. Simple as that. I decide who I want to be close to, in what way, and adjust my energy accordingly.

Yup, longevity is not necessarily a good thing. A relationship that ends when it should is a success.

That said, I've found relationships not to be an on-off thing for me anyway. People I no longer relate to in this way, I can generally still relate to in this way. The relationship hasn't ended per se, we just do different things together now and have different understandings/expectations of how our lives relate (or don't) at the moment.

I didn't say your attitude was abrasive. I'd like my nickel back, please I was just stating that being told what to do (instead of sharing reasoning and at most trying to convince) annoys me. It was maybe at most a warning, but definitely not an accusation. If you insisted that I use the words you do, I wouldn't value your opinion too much. But I feel I understand your project here - you're expressing your world view. I'm doing much the same.

I appreciate people who disagree with me because it clarifies my own thoughts. Hey, even abrasion is useful sometimes.
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