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Old 08-03-2013, 11:19 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Richardson, TX
Posts: 1,352

Originally Posted by fuchka View Post
You've said you feel "committed" to IV. I'd say that's a similarly loaded word
Commitment is a very frustrating word to me. I only use the word to mean one thing, and unfortunately (unlike the other uses for the word) I am not aware of another word that can be used. Commitment can mean "life long", "married", "sharing bills", "having kids", "sexual exclusivity", or it can mean... well... committed. I only use it to mean that I view my relationships as important and that I will not abandon it willy-nilly, that unless there is a fundamental inability to connect and there doesn't appear to be the likelihood of changing - I don't foresee ending it. While these other uses of the word have much more precise synonyms I am not aware of another word that shares this definition.

Because of that, I very rarely use it. The concept is too specific and the word has WAY too many uses - uses which are antithetical to how I mean it.

Originally Posted by fuchka View Post
You seem to be saying "don't say X, cos it grows the wrong conceptual structure in your head."...
I am making the assertion that talking about the relationship as if it were some kind of entity which needs to be addressed is counter productive, yes. I am further making the assertion that when we need to "work on the relationship" that what we are in essence doing is refusing to recognize that the nature of the relationship is changing or possibly ending and are instead placing artificial value on longevity and stagnation.

Originally Posted by fuchka View Post
I find it quite abrasive/alienating for someone to insist I phrase things how they think is best
If I had a nickle for every time someone on these boards told me I was abrasive. I have considered just copy and pasting a disclaimer at the top of all of my posts: "I am not telling you what to do. I am not your master. I am expressing my own point of view which may be in conflict with ideals you cling to. I may not be gentle with how I express my words but know that I have no interest in harming you or making you cry."

People on here often find my method of expressing my ideas to be offensive. I'm more interested in discussing the meat of the matter and not so much interested in getting distracted by hand holding and coddling. Some people find me to be offensive because my ideas are contrary to their own and make them feel uneasy. Maybe people have a problem with my ideas because they are just bad ideas... I'm sure some folks think that is the case.

If they don't present me with a well thought out counter argument (as you just did) then I don't much care that they don't agree with me. I am not so much interested in getting people to stop using that phrase (though I do think it would be an improvement to how people relate to one another) as I am interested in causing a discussion like this one to happen. You may disagree with me fuchka, but what is actually happening is that you are working with me through this idea and helping me to better articulate my point.
Me: male, 40, straight, single
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