Yes. It was hot and cold, push me away, come back here. Any ounce of attention I got made me hang on. It was not always like that. I am still confused over what happened. Maybe I was naive, too easy and enjoyed the chase. Maybe its some deep seeded issue implanted in my brain that this was ok behaviour.
Im sure he has made me out to be a monster with whatever concoction he made up in his head.
Everytime there was a disagreement, it turned into an arguement, that was always a ground for breaking up with me. I have nothing bad or mean to say about him. I just know there is something terribly wrong.
I find writing this stuff down extremely helpful.
He did ask me to write him a poem weeks ago. So when all of this terrible stuff was going on in his life I wrote him a love letter. Trying to be sweet and romantic. He seemed to like that stuff from me. I did and i was broken up with and called passive aggressive. I am in disbelief. I think that what he did the other night was the most hurtful act anyone has ever done to me. Is it forgivable? Was it ok? I did not deserve that. Instead i waited for the crumbs he would throw me. Any type of attention i got from him i hung on to it.
Also i am not going to pretend i did nothing. I am not a victim.
Then i would be rejected over and over. I was always there for him. Would he be there for me in a crisis? No!
Now to gather up what little self worth and esteem I have left. I will never tell someone i love them or care about them again.
Also I was not a victim. I will not play that role. I was in this situation bc i wanted to be. Now I feel hurt and confused. It was a drug for me. He was a drug. I needed a fix. I got it, then the whole thing woukd replay over and over again until i got my next fix. Now i am in withdrawal. Ha ha. Crazy isnt it!
Maybe i like to be mistreated in someway. Maybe its some childhood thing.
Last edited by Feria; 08-03-2013 at 08:28 PM.