... and family
I have two younger brothers, who I'm quite close to.
They both know and like Ocean, and can't get their heads around the rest of it. Partly it's difficult because they both live overseas so don't get a chance to spend time and hang out with the people in my life. Partly they just don't understand how this arrangement can be okay, and because of this they don't approve. They feel that Ocean and I are taking a foolish risk, and that we haven't given our marriage a chance (I've been with Grotto since before Ocean and I got hitched) etc etc.
The younger of the two is most similar to me - a bit more experimental with his life, takes his caboose off track. I know he'd be more likely than the other one to empathise with me.
Recently, I've been talking with him quite a bit as he's been finishing up some major exams and wasn't feeling great about them. So I was checking in on him regularly. One of those days he told me "sorry that I have been judgmental about you and Grotto. Once my exams are over, we'll chat about it." That gave me a lot of hope... maybe too much hope.
Yesterday we had the planned chat, and it was kind of awful. His views had not advanced from the first proper heart-to-heart we'd had about it, back when I first got together with Grotto four years ago.
He's still worried that Ocean is actually okay with this. Asking questions like: What happens when two people want to hang out with you at the same time? Who gets priority? Things which just haven't been issues for us, at all. I knew he was just trying to get it... and he was just voicing his concerns, but woah - so disconnected from my real experience.
I need to be patient, cos he's my brother and I'd love him to be able to have a better grasp on how this works for me.
My other brother has told me he doesn't want to talk about it at all as it makes him uncomfortable.
I'm conscious how definitively I'm choosing one family (the one I'm making) over my biological family.
I don't know if I'm making the right choice.
No. I know I'm making the only choice I can. Here's hoping there's enough middle ground.