Why on earth are you dating someone who goes out of his way to tell you hurtful things, and to stir up the waters between metamours?
I don't think your problem is the wife, it's your jerkface boyfriend.
Lives with Fly, boyfriend since 2/2006, nonmonogamous, and his 9-year-old son Kiddo
Moonlight, single, leans monogamous, girlfriend since 6/2012
Punk, married guy, poly, FWB since 9/2011 with an emphasis on the "F"